Once a dog was depressed, but then it won the lottery and bought lots of ice cream

by baumerworld on Jan 13, 2007 4:10 PM PST

In fifth grade I was somehow allowed to try out for the high school team. I got cut. I tried out the next year with the same results. I continued trying out for the team all through college. Each year I got cut. This pass season, my twelfth year of trying out they cut me again, thanked me, gave me a certificate for participation and told me not to come back next year.
As much as the last few years have been a humiliation--the past two years I've had to wear a football helmet and a few years before that they use to make me try out wearing the bear mascot costume--I don't think I will stop trying out.
The experience has been rewarding if nothing else and it's given me something to do that I love. I even have had a few people in the press write about my efforts.
Jack Handy wrote a very nice piece on me (I should note a few of the details are fictionalized):

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

And that is all I have to say about me.
The Warriors sit at 18-20. My optimistic predictions have usually involve some use of the words, "I don't think the Warriors will lose another game," which they've repeatedly proved me wrong, but even so Mr. Don has been pretty good about turning things around when they didn't look good because Mr. Don is a good father. He would not leave his child in a dumpster just because the child is `Fugly'. No, Mr. Don teaches it to run up the court really fast and try and score the points in the hoop.
Anyway, the point that I'm trying to get from my brain to the page and onto the GSOM is that the Clipper games are games that are winnable and I think they're going to take both the victories from the Clipper's sleeping carriage like the time I took the five dollars from guy who sold the crack cocaine. Actually, I don't know what this guy looks like and I think I made up the story instead of telling my parents that I sold my tuba for five dollars. I wasn't very good at it anyway so they were glad to not hear me playing it anymore. So, if the warriors beat the clippers twice I feel confident they will finish January at the .500 mark. And then not to get ahead of myself or the team either, but the world isn't ending and February is looking like a month where a string of wins could be put together nicely if they can learn to play on the road.

This FanPost is a submission from a member of the mighty Golden State of Mind community. While we're all here to throw up that W, these words do not necessarily reflect the views of the GSoM Crew. Still, chances are the preceding post is Unstoppable Baby!

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Hmmm

but you forget, some of those games are on the road. ;)

And a tuba for $5? I'd think it'd be worth more than that, your parents should have been suspicious.

by Zorgon on Jan 13, 2007 4:26 PM PST reply actions

You're the best basket-footballer

with a towel uniform helmet head I've ever heard about in my book, Big Baumer. Like the Big Bopper, but not as much Tuba-ing!

You're an honorary Warriors towel boy to us man.
You made it on the court, not quite a player, but you can tell people what your job is. To go on the Warriors court everygame, every timeout, every big shot. The first man to hug Robert Horry after his game winning 3 on the Kings was a big fat towel guy, he made a beeline to him and Robert Horry was embarassed I thought from his facial expresion!

Beware:
Sometimes they never take the towel and are upset about plays, but if they don't take the towel they might sweat up the foax and plastic covered bench seats where there's little room when there's a full bench.

But lately its down to 8 total players so 3 guys on the bench who can play means lots of leg room.

And room for the towel dudes to wash the towels between game stoppages with their little machine there behind the bench next to the Gatorade dispenser.

by back2back51s on Jan 13, 2007 4:43 PM PST reply actions

* foam and plastic seat cushions

not FOAX! Maybe faux works, as in fake seats, but not quite wrestling folding chairs.

by back2back51s on Jan 13, 2007 4:44 PM PST up reply actions

Random Thouht that came to mind

Advantage to the end of the bench:

Greg Ostertag always had Max Legroom in his later years. He never played, so he was on the end of the bench. He always pulled out the last chair, put it a few feet farther out, and maxed relaxed. Now that's a cool dude.

Now why did he start for the Jazz in their glory years? Was he good?

by Zorgon on Jan 13, 2007 9:38 PM PST up reply actions