I hope this doesn't sound like a rant.  I don't want it to be, but I'm sure parts of it will be.

All day I have felt sick, and depressed.  I've felt the way you feel when your girlfriend breaks up with you, or when your dog dies.  I feel helpless.  Even sitting with my new cat, reading a good book, drinking tea and eating cookies, the back of my mind was splitting desperately and devestatedly.  Even when watching the Giants lose a game I knew they'd lose, my heart felt located lower than my kidneys.

I thought about what it was.  I seem to have severly injured my shoulder playing a pickup game of basketball yesterday.  No, not it.  I'm going to college soon, and scared to high heaven.  Definately not.  My sister, who I've had such a good relationship with, is bugging me more than ever before. Still not. 

The Warriors were eliminated from the playoffs.  Wait, no.  That's actually not it.

81 games later, the Golden State Warriors played a beautiful 80 games.  Even the 6 they lost to start the season.  Even the TNT-televised home loss to a depleted Chicago team.  Even the games Matt Barnes couldn't even get in to.  Even the game Baron missed a buzzer-beating layup at.  Even the devestating loss to the Nuggets on thursday night.  Despite finding themselves on the outside looking in, the Warriors were beautiful.  Many times they played just like last season, winning on heart and energy.  Playing at breakneck speed, so much fun to watch.  Losing and winning, playoffs or not, after 80 games, the season couldn't have been more fun.

I didn't even watch the game last night.  I don't get CSN+, so I went and played basketball instead, and streamed the score online with 4 minutes left.  Today I find out that Baron didn't play the second half.  It seems he's in Nellie's doghouse.  It seems Nellie's in his.  Everyone on TV is saying Baron will opt out of his contract, leave the Warriors, the friends, the best coach he's ever had, the up-and-comers, the "We Believers," the greatest fans in the association.

I feel sick because we are so beautiful. "Baron Davis, my girlfriend's favorite...Al Harrington, he's been steppin' up his game since they brought him in...we got Monta Ellis...Stephen jackson, a straight up G, especially behind the line when he's shooting for 3."

I can't help but feel that that is over.  Even as I prepare for tomorrow's game, not only my first time having good seats, but sitting right behind the W's bench, I feel that we've seen the last of the beautiful team we created last January.  If Baron leaves, we're stranded.  If Nellie leaves, we're lost.  Even if they stay, the chemistry we had is lost.  In a world of over-paid, extremely arrogant stars, the warriors were a breath of fresh air, a group of friends playing ball together, having fun.

And now I have the feeling like when you know something bad happened, but you just don't know what.  At the same time, I feel the same way I did when my Grandmother died without me being able to say goodbye.

I feel how a kid must feel when their parents get divorced after assuring them that would never happen.  It's hard not to feel betrayed, like a poor kid watching his favorite rockstar smash a thousand dollar guitar.  The kid could've used that guitar, and the rockstar is smashing it for his own personal reasons.

Next year, Baron may be passing oops to Vince Carter, all so he can have an extra $2 to spend on Fedora's and Kanye West sunglasses.  Nellie may be sitting in Maui drinking a Scotch or 3, so he doesn't have to put up with those kids for another year.  Or they could all come together, continue the beautiful piece of art that lasted half a season, 2 rounds of playoffs, and 80 games.  80 magnificent, glorious, entertaining games.

I don't care that we missed the playoffs.  I honestly don't. Not because I don't love the warriors.  I've loved them forever.  I could don a  Lakers jersey tomorrow as their newest player and i'd still love the Warriors.  But frankly, I can't waste time worrying about the price of window tints when I don't even have a car.

This may sound like hyperbole.  Or I may be overreacting because as I sat down to write this, I vigorously shook my Nalgene bottle full of Gatorade.  2 towels later, it seems that I should've checked to see if the lid was on.

But we need this team intact.  we're so close to being the Phoenix Suns.  I don't care if we ever win the NBA Finals.  We missed the playoffs 13 years straight, to be a fun team, a happy team, an entertaining team that wins 45-60 games a year is just fine with me.  I didn't know how the Warriors would fare this year.  30 wins or 60, I had no clue.  They had one hell of a season.  But I only got 80 games. 80 beautiful games.  And I'm not ready to call that the end.