... and on my genius.

i know all of you have sorely missed my provocative and entertaining commentary lo these past many weeks.  well, as alluded to a while ago, i finally received my bailout money for the failed bank i established last year in my basement.  i only got $2.3 million, but, hey, i only loaned out $671.98 while the bank was operational, so i made out quite well.  i have been busy putting together my travel itinerary for the next 4 months so i can enjoy my hard-earned funds.

during these last few weeks, i realized that so many of you revel in post-game analysis and statistics, but cannot PREDICT the outcome of the events you so passionately discourse--and THAT is the real sign of understanding.  you remind me of all the tv 'analysts' who endlessly discuss games, but are so often wrong in their predictions of the winners.  witness mike ditka, who actually said a couple of hours before the superbowl that the broncos would beat the niners, or bob knight, who last year had NO teams in his final four, and only one in his final eight.  why?  because, much like you, they know the GAME, but NOT the sport.

i, however, know both.  many of you know that i despise the fat, lying, drunken, blackmailing scumbag who runs the atrocity known as nellie-ball, but i also realize his capabilities as well as his deficiencies.  that is why i won a bundle wagering on the w's against the mavs in the 07 playoffs, then realized that a superior coach like sloan would not fall into the trap that johnson did, so i parlayed all of the money on the jazz.  even this year i have mad a significant income wagering both for, and--far more often--against the w's.

i have also made long-term predicitons on THIS site--let us review:  w's win 30 games-CORRECT (29 is close enough); knicks win more games than the d'antoni-lite-lead w's-CORRECT; the bobcats with a real coach named brown also win more than the w's-CORRECT (and do not believe the lies that the west is superior to the east, as the top 3 and the bottom 6 teams in the east are better than their western counterparts and 4 of the 5 worst teams are in the west; only in the 4-9 slots does the west have the advantage, and that only slightly); and lastly, that the w's would pad their record with meaningless wins in april-CORRECT.

on the 'brighter' side, for those of you concerned about the w's next season, my prediction is that they win 38-42 games (i will have a specific number for you in november), do not make the playoffs, and do not land a big-name free agent (with the possible exception of kidd).  nellie, satisfied with having passed wilkins for the most wins (and the ONLY reason he returned to coaching), will 'resign'.  he will then return to hawaii, and in 2013 his body will be found after having washed up on shore like a fat, white, beached whale--cause of death "extreme alcohol poisoning".

concerning the upcoming playoffs i predict:  lakers do NOT win the title; rockets again fail to get out of the 1st rd; blazers make it to the conf finals; magic WIN IT ALL (in 2010).

outside of bball, the marlins will win the world series this year, and by 2012 miley cyrus and her vomit-inducing hillbilly voice (aka screech-a-billy) will have been forgotten, her tv show having ended in 2010, and disney left with a skinny, flat-chested, no-talent never-was.

as for me, i will rejoin you in november.  today i am in hawaii to greet nellie at the airport.  after that, i will be traveling and finishing up my book.  it is titled "peckers and poledancers: my 20-year odyssey thru the strip clubs of america"  hasta la bagass.