Chris Cohan's Golden State Warriors version of the NBA Playoffs is coming up on May 19th. (That would be the NBA Lottery for all your bandwagoners playing along at home.) Thanks to our friends at Welcome to Loud City we understand the lottery system. So now we turn our attention to one simple, but incredibly important question: Who should rep WE SUCK at this fine event celebrating well... suck-ness?
A case for each of these candidates to rep The Suck after the jump. Don't forget to vote!
Chris Cohan: The man Dubs Nation booed at the 2000 NBA All-Star game should suck it up and represent the organization he has led with such uncanny levels of incompetence for a decade and a half front and center. Cohan- show people you actually care about the team you sued your way into owning for a change.
Robert Rowell: Rowell's not exactly a fan or local media favorite. If he flashes a friendly smile out of nowhere and the Dubs luck out with a top 3 pick, he could win a lot of points based on shock value alone. Honestly, Rowell's got nothing to lose by representing the Warriors and everything to win.
Cohan and Rowell: Panelists at the Making Millions of Suck Series
Chris Mullin: Just like his promotion to VP back in 2004, it would be a nice publicity stunt as he exits stage NY.
Even Mullin thinks the back-to-back lottery busts
of Ike Diogu and Patrick O'Bryant are hilarious!
Don Nelson: Yes, he's quite the drama queen as even the biggest Nellie apologists have to admit, but there's no denying that this old man knows his hoops. If there's anyone to believe in and restore fan confidence, it's this eccentric hoops legend who has resurrected the Dallas Mavericks pretty much out of nowhere and the Golden State Warriors not once, but twice. He has the interesting distinction of being the only head coach to take Cohan to the playoffs in two different decades. (Haha I can't even type that with a straight face.) Good luck getting Nellie to leave his poker game with Willie Nelson in Maui for Secaucus, New Jersey though.
Larry Riley: He's heavily rumored to be Mullin's replacement in the front office. If so, this would be fitting introduction to Warriors fans and the NBA world.
Let's hope Riley can scout and fine some hoops stars even in the boondocks.
Stephen Silas: How can we forget when he balled up fools on Family Matters alongside Eddie Winslow?
Jamal Crawford: It would be an entertaining way for JC to announce that he isn't opting out of the remaining 2 years $20 million on his contract, much to Nellie's and many silly and confused Warriors fans' (!) dismay. Maybe Jamal can somehow work in that funky behind the back crossover dribble too. Can't get enough of that!
Anthony Randolph: Given his terrible body language, weird sense of entitlement to unearned minutes as the last pick of the lottery, cheapshot at everyone's favorite 12th man Rob Kurz in practice, and the entire coaching staff's criticisms about his attitude and work ethic earlier in the season, I had some serious doubts about AR's future both on the Warriors and in this league. However, Rudolph finished off the season leaving every Warriors fan and many hoops junkies wanting more. If there was a bright spot to this sorry season AR was it. He's the #1 reason to look forward to 2009-2010 GSW hoops.
Like Archie Bunker and crew- Nellie and Rudolph keep it All in the Family.
Can you feel the love?
Rob Kurz: Everyone's favorite 12th man! (Apologies to Adonal Foyle.)
Almost as good as Kosta's Zero Threat Position!
Jason Richardson/ Baron Davis: (ducks and hides for cover) Just to see how many entertaining comments I can get by bringing up the BoomRich backcourt. My goodness- is there any other team in the league dumb enough to prematurely break up this duo and the rest of that We Believe 2007 PLAYOFF team, just so they can build around an undersized center and 2-guard with extremely limited upside and the complete inability to guard their counterparts mano y mano?
Kelenna Azubuike: If Kaz flexes those biceps, do you really think they're going to deny him that top pick?
Corey Maggette: See Kelenna.
Andris Biedrins: He might be the most popular Warrior player right now. Biedrins can do no wrong in many Warriors fans' eyes. It's almost at that annoying Dunleavy-esque level circa 2004-2006, except at least Biedrins has some game, albeit an unpretty one. Just like when the Warriors lose in real games on the hardwood- if they end up being big time losers on super lotto day, the majority of Warriors fans will go absolutely nuts if even the slightest blame is directed his way. It's a win-win situation for the Dubs.
How does a guy who lead the team in rodmans by a WIDE margin have the worst season +/-? It's his teammates and the coach right? Riiiiight.
Ronny Turiaf: He would easily have the best celebration dance if the Dubs defied the odds and moved up. Shoot, he'd probably have a fun dance even if the Warriors moved down from the 7th spot.
Monta Ellis: MopedGate was the #1 reason the 2008-2009 Golden State Warriors were an eyesore. Make the "franchise player" suck it up and show up for the lottery festivities and the fans. Along with Jack and Maggette, he sure didn't do that for the final home game of this past season.
Let's hope the moped was at least X-treme!
Stephen Jackson: In terms of roster personnel what the Warriors need right now is some serious turnover. As he proved this season, there's no better man to help the Warriors do that than Jack.
Even with 3.9 turnovers a game, Jack is still one bad mofo.
Thunder: Bring our muscled super hero back! Inflatable Thunder too!
Who should represent the Golden State Warriors at the 2009 NBA Lottery?