Original Post @ Sports History Now
<Sometime in the near future>
Robert Rowell, former President of the Golden State Warriors organization, pursues a job opportunity in the still tough economic climate after Joseph Lacob decided to terminate his employment in the summer of 2010. He was able to secure an interview with Wright & Mata, LLC, a medium-sized accounting firm based in Houston, Texas.
WM: Robert, so glad you were able to make it today.
RR: Oh, the pleasure is mine, thank you so, so much for calling me. My friends call me “Bobby.” You can call me that if you want.
WM: Okay, well, Robert, I’ve looked over your resume and it’s quite impressive. I’ve also come across some supplemental information on you and I just have some ques…
RR: Yeah, I was kind of a big deal.
RR: Have you heard of GTOE?
WM: Gee-Tee what?
RR: GTOE, you know, “it’s a great time out!...entertainment”
WM: I don’t follow.
RR: It’s just one of the many things I came up with.
WM: Alrighty then. Well, as you know, we are a CPA firm representing some of the top firms in the state.
RR: Yes, as you can see, I’m very good with numbers.
WM: It says here you were an assistant controller when you joined your former employer in 1995.
RR: My title is President.
WM: Was President.
WM: Excuse me?
RR: I’m good with numbers.
WM: Of course. Robert, you moved up through the ranks very quickly and while very impressive, it’s somewhat unusual that an assistant controller becomes President in a matter of 5 years. It’s obvious you earned the trust and confidence of your employer, but I would like to know how someone in your original position, which seemingly has nothing to do with day-to-day executive operations of a professional basketball team, is thrust into that very important position.
RR: I mean, of course, I would be happy to explain. Have you ever stood next to an NBA basketball player? No, you haven’t. Let me ask you this, have you been to the circus? I hope you have, because it’s wonderful. My mom and dad use to take me.
RR: So one day, while I was working in QuickBooks, I was thinking how much fun I had at the circus and I was thinking of basketball too, because I work for a basketball team, and at the same time as that, I heard The Temptations playing on the radio. So this light bulb went off in my head like, like a lightning bolt! I got up out of my chair and I yelled “Man it would be awesome if we could combine the circus, MoTown, and basketball into one!” And right as I said that, Mr. Cohan was standing right behind me!
WM: Robert, I just don’t follow. Let’s cut to the chase. I need to know you are capable of filling this position we have here. It says here on your resume summary that you’re looking for a new beginning.
RR: Mr. Cohan has retired and didn’t hire me to be his first mate.
WM: Right. As I was saying, while the position we have isn’t the most glamorous, not even close to your assistant controller position you had in 1995, we are hopeful that the economy will pick-up and there will be opportunity for some growth.
RR: I think you guys should give free pizza away to your prospective clients.
WM: Thank you for the idea but we’re not in the business of sales. We’re a service oriented profession. Isn’t that in essence what your previous employment was? To provide the best service to your loyal fan base?
RR: Uh, hello! Free pizza, free concerts, free dunk squad performances!
WM: But, isn’t that digressing from the actual product you’re trying to sell and showcase? I don’t profess to be a sports fan, but I’m lead to believe that winning games is the ultimate goal when it comes to pro sports.
RR: You know who I hate? Oklahoma City. Those guys think they can just take my idea. It’s criminal what those guys did. Don’t they know that behind the suit is a real person? Thunder was MY idea!
WM: Robert, I really must get some straight answers from you. You mentioned you were good with numbers yet it’s well-chronicled that you unilaterally gave this Stephen Jackson fellow a significant contract extension when he still had a year or two left on his contract. It’s my understanding that in the NBA, there is a salary cap and maintaining balance and flexibility with it is very important. Can you explain your rationale in bypassing other peoples’ duties in negotiating this deal?
RR: Let me ask you this, who would you rather trust: a has-been-former-drunk or a guy who has angel hands tattooed on his stomach?
WM: Robert, I know who you’re talking about. It’s well documented.
RR: Thug life.
WM: I want to emphasize that at this position, you will have to report to your superiors, including myself and the other partners in the firm, and that no executive decisions are to be made without our input. In fact, you don’t have to worry about making any sort of decisions whatsoever. Your duties will consist of assigned projects and day-to-day routines.
RR: Do you have a black card? Mr. Cohan had a black card and he left me in charge of it. This one time, Mr. Cohan had a last minute dinner meeting with Mr. Ellison and he asked me to arrange a reservation at the French Laundry.
WM: My friend in the Bay Area told me that place usually takes reservations months in advance.
RR: That’s right, but when you have a black card and a will to demand respect, you can get anything you need. Plus, I gave the manager some free suite tickets to Justin Bieber’s concert at the Oracle.
WM: The others would appreciate your drive and get-it-done attitude.
RR: Does that mean I’m hired?
WM: Yes. You’re a very interesting person, Robert.
RR: OH EM GEE! Thank you!
WM: Your first day is tomorrow. Be sure to pick-up half-and-half and a box of bagels on your way to the office.
RR: Yes, sir!
WM: And dress sexy.
WM: You heard me.
RR: You got it *wink*