Are the Warriors pursuing Orderly Seamen?
With D-Day just two days away, Warriors faithful have by now presumably played and replayed every draft-related YouTube clip, memorized every pound of mass and quarter inch of length, and pondered every freakish wingspan and ridiculous upside.
Still, the NBA draft is about astrology as much as science: at some point, you have put away the rulers and scales and don the swami hats. Sometime back in pre-GSoM / early years of Antawn Jamison ("I Wanna Jam Tons"), a fellow incurable Warriors fan and I started a tradition of using anagrams to see what kind of hidden messages were embedded in the names of potential draftees. (Remember this was before the internetz, with all its anagram / Words With Friends cheat websites, so rearranging names typically involved dumping out scrabble tiles and manually fussing with them).
I won't bore you with a year-by-year breakdown, but many of our anagram names ended up having legs. For example, we pretty much knew from the outset that Chris Taft — "Fat Christ" — was destined for heavy martyrdom, or at least excruciating back problems. The anagram names weren't always a perfect indicator of how well their career would turn out — I mean, if they were you'd obviously expect "Vanilla Rim Swim" (Marvin Williams) to have a cooler and tastier career than "Warmed Bunny" (Andrew Bynum). But they were always a fun way to pass the last few days of breathless anticipation, after every clip had been pored over and every blurb had been parsed. And heck, in terms of how much truth they actually reveal, they're probably no less reliable than Paul the Octopus or Chad Ford.
Without further ado, here's a few of the guys with a chance to be there at pick #7.
- Harrison Barnes: Inborn Harasser
- Michael Kidd-Gilchrist: Dirk's Megalithic Child or Magic's Childlike Third
- Andre Drummond: Random Mud Nerd
- Meyers Leonard: Orderly Seamen
- John Henson: John's No Hen
- Perry Jones: Jersey Porn
- Terrence Jones: Jeers No Center
- Damien Lillard: Drilled Animal
- Dion Waiters: Satin Weirdo
- Moe Harkless: Kosher Meals
- Jared Sullinger: Daring Jell User
My reading: lots to digest, but if the Ws are looking to run a tighter ship, Leonard could be their guy. (Though Lacob-Guber might also find Harkless appetizing...)