I've been asked it time and again
By coworkers, family, and friends
Though they vary by age and by name
Each time, their question's the same:

"Dear Bret, why do you persist
On backing a team that has missed
The playoffs for so many years?
Oh, how do you deal with the tears?"

Each time, I breathe deep and pause,
I relax my mind and my jaws.
Deep down in my heart's where I reach
To pull out my time-tested speech:

While other fans may have the titles
And many think winning is vital
There's a few things those fans don't know
About loving your home team so

What other team shells out the green
To a player whose stats are obscene?
Just look at Foyle's career numbers
And try to successfully slumber

If you think that makes me jaded
What other team's so often traded
Their best draft picks so many times?
In some states, that counts as a crime!

Before thoroughly judging this team
As the bumbling fools that they seem
Let's look at the on-court performance
Of these perennial NBA doormats:

It practically makes me unconscious
To think of the 3's this team launches
It practically drives me insane
The way that they won't drive the lane

It knocks me way down to my knees
They way they refuse to play D
It's so dang hard to stand up tall
When they keeping turning over the ball

At this point, my friends look at me
They stare me puzzlingly
As if to say, Bret, are you crazy?
Has your mind gone from clear to hazy?

But the thing that these people don't know
The thing that will gladden me so:
Not front office, nor coach, nor the game:
It's that I know it'll keep bein' the same!

We'll be awful again this season
But that, my friends, is no reason
To fret, it is nothing to fear
`Cuz we're consistent year after year!