After much deliberation the highly esteemed panel of judges consisting of DJ Fuzzy Logic, Fantasy Junkie, Hash, R Dizzle, Tony.psd, Yaobuttaming, and myself, all of the GSoM Crew fame, have cast in our votes for the GSoM Warriors New Year's Resolutions contest. It wasn't easy to pick the very best 2008 New Year's Resolutions from all the many golden entries we received, but this is why they pay us the big bucks (I wish!).
TIMIN' like E-40 and San Quinn!
Make the jump to see who the 3 winners of the 2008 Golden State of Mind Calendars are and their winning submissions in full!
Our first winner hails from the Newark-East Palo Alto Dumbarton Bridge corridor....
...and a happy new year
- On the next GSoM Night, Tony.psd gives drawing lessons in the parking lot before the game. Most ballin' signs ever, all around the arena.
- Warriors hire Rick Barry as a free throw coach. Biedrins' new granny style release makes him the team leader in FT%.
- Raiders and 49ers squads are invited to a January home game for "Shouldn't you be in the playoffs?" Night. Alex Smith cries.
- Kenny "The Jet" Smith kidnaps his co-host Charles Barkley and takes him on a road trip to San Francisco, Oaktown, and Napa Wine Country. Sir Chuck puts Kenny in his Fave Five.
- Baron Davis' production company remakes the DeVito/Schwarzenegger movie Twins with Ellis and Biedrins. It fails miserably, as nobody can understand what either one is saying.
- Troy Hudson retires after hip surgery to focus on his rap career. He remixes his album with the help of E-40 and renames himself Hyphy Hudson. The Bay goes hella stupid dumb.
- Belinelli buys a deli. Deli's jellies end up in Nellie's belly. Nellie tells Beli to sell the deli. Beli tells Nellie to go to Hell(ie).
- Stephen Jackson shoots somebody.
(We're guessing that last one is a reference to draining treys.)
Our next winner is all about gift exchanges...
Read as Conan O'Brien's skit 'In the year 2000'
- In an attempt to promote the arena's namesake, Charles Barkley is hired by the Oracle to consistently incorrectly predict game results before each game. The clowns then signs him to a 7-year max contract in the offseason and raise ticket prices.
- Mike Dunleavy Jr. is traded to the San Antonio Spurs. The Indiana Pacers then go on a torrid win streak to close out the season and make the playoffs on the last day while the Spurs inexplicably collapse to fall out of playoff contention. Feeling that he has suffered enough, Warrior fans finally reveal that Funleavy photos were photoshopped to be funny to cover up how poorly he played, which was not funny at all.
- The "We Believe" movement comes to a screeching halt when Cher releases a new hip hop remix of her hit song "Believe" featuring Troy Hudson.
- Despite skyrocketing profits, McDonalds executives are fired when their targeted campaign advertisements towards African-Americans are revealed to be ineffective in a survey in which nearly 90% of survey-takers said the main reason they go to McDonalds is that they are hoping to be "served by Baron Davis". Andrei Kirilenko admits to giving this answer on the survey during game 3 of last year's playoff series between the Jazz and Warriors.
- During the garbage time of a game in which the Hornets are blowing out the Warriors with a 45 point lead, Mickael Pietrus sinks a free throw and yells to the NOH bench "Unstoppable, baby!". Marc Jackson then runs off the bench and starts strangling Pietrus with a chokehold.
- After winning a million dollar copyright case against Pietrus, Marc Jackson loses it all when he loses a copyright case against Latrell Spreewell. Adonal Foyle represented Jackson in both trials.
- The best fans in sports celebrates when the Oakland A's, SF Giants, Raiders, 49ers, Sharks, and Warriors all make it to their respective championship series after God discovers she made a serious mistake when she accidentally gave the worst fans in sports the best teams. Boston sports fans enjoy 86 years of futility as punishment.
- Chris Mullin explains his poor signings when he comes out of the closet and reveals that he had an on-again, off-again relationship with both Dunleavy and Murphy. After hearing this and connecting it to some of the suspicious locker room activities he witnessed first hand during the Run-TMC days, Tim Hardaway implodes.
Finally spinning on 3 turn tables at once...
1- Bring the Yi Movement to the Bay by trading away POB to the Bucks for Yi, straight up.
2- Make posters by Tony.psd available for purchase on warriors.com
3- For the playoff run, everyone grows a Baron beard, because that is the manliest thing to do
4- Hire old school players like Mark Price and BJ Armstrong to give the team insight on shooting free throws and being winners.
5- When J-Rich returns later in the season, the whole arena will give him a 10-minute standing ovation
6- Wear throwbacks from the Run TMC days
7- Offer Latrell Sprewell some compensation for his years of service so he can help feed his family
8- Protect the pregnant Jessica Alba at all cost, especially hanging around Canadians like this
Thanks again to all of you who participated. It was really fun reading all your Warriors themed New Year's Resolutions.
Swamp Thing, WhiteElephantGuy, and phutmasterflex- Hit us up at email@example.com with your snail mail address (from the email address on your GSoM account) and we'll ship out the 2008 GSoM Calendars out to you to get your 2k8 started off right.
Obligatory rhyming hype about the new year...
2k8 is Gonna be Great!