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Watch out Warriors fans, the Spurs are lurking

They are the horror movie villain that just won't give up.

Soobum Im-USA TODAY Sports

I, for one, am not a huge fan of horror films. Life is disgusting and horrible enough for me on a day to day basis, thank you very much. Who needs some slasher thriller when you can turn on the news?

That being said, I do appreciate the basic archetype of the genre's structure.

Group of young, impressionable people want to have a good time, preferably far away from parental supervision. They find such a place, only to discover that it is infested with leprechauns who eat people/knife wielding masked deadmen/dolls/or in the case of "Cabin in the Woods," every single monster/demon/ghoul ever. Click here if you'd like to start off your day with a healthy dose of gore and violent depravity. Contents, obviously, NSFW and also children and probably most people.

But the thing that really makes me smile about these movies is that the killer is always so determined! I wish I had that level of determination in any single facet of my life.

Shit, if I had horror movie killer determination, I'd be pumping out like four or five pieces a day here, but for some reason they'd all be about Harrison Barnes' upcoming contract. Nothing else. Just five pieces a day, through the offseason and everything, breaking down the same argument over and over and over and over and eventually the team and Harrison would reach some form of agreement -- one way or the other -- and I'd pump out five articles a day rehashing the terms of the deal (or his role with his new team) over and over and over and...

The villains are nothing if not consistent.

So, you may ask, what does this have to do with the Spurs?


(h/t screenshot from this chart, from

The last time the Spurs finished a season with less than 50 wins, I was in seventh grade at Davidson Middle School in San Rafael. One of my classmates had printed up some erotic stories from their parents' computer, and a group of us were all gathered around, reading the stories to each other during lunch. One of those stories was so explicit that I sneezed and coughed somehow at the same time while drinking a coca cola and it all came out my nose and I was super embarrassed in front of this cute girl, who incidentally was the one who had printed out the story in question. Anyways, moving on.

Obviously, 1999 was a long time ago.

That is an earth-shaking, strong-armed run of dominance by San Antonio.

Just for comparison's sake.

Wait, let me put down my drink so I don't sneeze it through my nose again,

(h/t again)

Good god, 19, 17, 29, 26, 23. Most of these numbers are not 50, as you may have noticed.

The Spurs are really, really, freakishly consistent. Dedicated to their craft in a troubling way, just like your favorite horror villain.

So why are we talking about them right now? Surely this amazing 24-1 start, coupled with the fact that the Warriors are defending champions, has proven that ye olde Dubs sit firmly atop the league... Right? I mean, come on! RIGHT?!


All year, the Spurs and the Warriors have been dominating in terms of point differential. Except now, suddenly, the Spurs are out in front.

Here, check it out.


Man, the reboot of this movie franchise is getting old. When will they stop pumping out remakes that inevitably end the same way?!

Also, power to you Spurs. Not gonna lie, I am in awe of everything you've accomplished. We just keeping waiting for you to fade into the netherworld, to be re-absorbed back into the cosmos from which you came.

Sadly, it doesn't seem like it'll happen anytime soon.

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