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That had EVERYTHING: Recapping the Golden State Warriors' victory parade

Draymond Green is everyone's drunk uncle at the BBQ.

By Bram Kincheloe
Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

The Golden State Warriors just marched through Oakland as champions of the world.

I was watching it, intently, from Brooklyn via the CSN Bay Area live stream.

Here are some highlights.

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The first thing that jumped out at me was that the Warriors parade was some unholy amalgam of Silicon Valley (lots of BMW's) and Burning Man.

Case in point: MC Hammer and the Mayor of Oakland (with a broken wrist!) riding together in a fire-breathing snail.

Marshawn Lynch and Draymond Green rode together. Because, duh.

Draymond quickly decided that a bus could not contain him, jumped into the crowd, and doused fans in champagne. Hell yes, Dray. Hell yes.

The Curry family continued to rule serenely over all us mortals.

Once off the bus, the players were interviewed by the one and only Rosalyn Gold-Onwude.

The fun had just begun.

Everyone assumed Draymond would own this moment. But, holy shit, did he own this moment.

And then, the interview that everyone wanted, but no one expected.

Draymond Green's mom and Marshawn Lynch.

What?

He cursed on live TV and literally no one cared.

HUGS AND STRAIGHT UP JUST LIKE THAT TRUTH!

Ladies and gentlemen, can we get these two a frickin reality televsiion show?? C'mon! Let's stop watching and celebrating the Bachelor or whatever other garbage is out there on the boob tube and let's watch these two just hang out all the time.

Our very own Nate Parham was at the scene, wondering about a few things.

Shaun Livingston had the heart-string pulling, tear-jerking quote of the day.

What a journey he's had, huh?

Stephen Curry arrived, and they showed a long montage of his moments.

How can you ever hate on him?!

Festus Ezeli strolled up mid-interview and Steph started ragging on him and his "SwagZeli" nickname.

And then, it was on to the podium. The real show was about to start.

Bob Fitzgerald took the stage, in front of 1.1 million people, and somehow, even in this moment, found a way to throw shade at the refs, LeBron James, James Harden and politicians in general.

Fitzgerald started announcing the players, bringing them up one at a time.

In related news, Ognjen Kuzmic now has more NBA championships than Charles Barkley.

The speeches rolled on. The mayor of Oakland gave a key to the city to Joe Lacob and Peter Guber (AWKWARD!!).

Guber talked for a while. He said something about a "desert of tears." What? I'm not sure now what he was even talking about.

Joe Lacob got up, immediately reminded Warriors fans that they had booed him in the not-so-distant past, and then yelled A LOT and raised his arm in a not-so-cool and way-too-reminiscent way.

But hey, the guy's got a passion for this thing.

And obviously, he gets what he wants.

By this point, the players were bored out of their minds.

I was worried that all this sitting in the sun would ruin the glorious moment of which we'd all been dreaming.

Bob Myers used the moment to tell a touching story about the first game he ever attended, and how he still has his ticket stub in his wallet. He ended by saying, "If I wasn't up here, I'd be out there with all you guys!"

Class act.

Also, he used the podium to assuage any fears we might have had that Draymond will leave.

Next was Steve Kerr, who shucked and jived his way through everything, smirking and smiling.

God Bless you Mr. Kerr.

And then, finally, Jim Barnett took the stage and introduced the players who would be speaking.

Harrison Barnes went first and sounded much like a future senator.

Andrew Bogut was next, and joked that Harrison's speech had sounded like a "school report."

But, before Bogut took the stage, the cameras caught him uncorking a bottle of champagne.

Klay got up there, thanked everyone, and then took a selfie with the trophy.

Finally, the moment we were all waiting for: DRAYMOND.

He did not disappoint.

He jumped up, grabbed a mic, and refused to speak from the podium. Instead, he sprayed champagne from the stage, and then strode to the front and proclaimed:

After some mumbled partying, he gave some more love to crowd and then bounced.

Andre Iguodala got up and had the QUOTE OF THE CENTURY about Draymond.

And then, of course, at the end came Stephen Curry.

He may never let go of that trophy.

At one point, Draymond stumbled up towards him holding Riley Curry. Oh god!

She got stage fright, and of course it was the cutest thing ever.

Was she trying to do the "Waaaaaariors" chant?

Anyways, that's how it ended. Riley stole the show, again. Steph is a humble and amazing young man, and the team danced off stage to the pounding beat of a song about cocaine.

Ethan Sherwood Strauss was right, this celebration really did have everything.

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Someday, someday soon, I'm coming home.

This is the Bay Area's team. We deserve these guys.

When I come home, I'm going straight to the redwoods of West Marin and kneeling down in the dirt and the dust and the sunlight and I'm going to thank the California gods for giving us this moment.

Onwards.

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