The Golden State Warriors just marched through Oakland as champions of the world.
I was watching it, intently, from Brooklyn via the CSN Bay Area live stream.
Here are some highlights.
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The first thing that jumped out at me was that the Warriors parade was some unholy amalgam of Silicon Valley (lots of BMW's) and Burning Man.
Case in point: MC Hammer and the Mayor of Oakland (with a broken wrist!) riding together in a fire-breathing snail.
/flaming snail float careens into crowd "WE ASKED YOU POLITELY NOT TO HURT THEM, AND NOW EVERYONE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF THIS FIRE SNAIL AIEEEE"— Grant Brisbee (@mccoveychron) June 19, 2015
Marshawn Lynch and Draymond Green rode together. Because, duh.
Marshawn Lynch is on a bus. https://t.co/PxpRFcoCqf— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) June 19, 2015
Coolest float is the one with Draymond, Marshawn, Speights and the blue party cups. That float should just continue all summer— Ethan Strauss (@SherwoodStrauss) June 19, 2015
Draymond quickly decided that a bus could not contain him, jumped into the crowd, and doused fans in champagne. Hell yes, Dray. Hell yes.
Draymond Green got off the bus and gave us high fives! Thanks @Money23Green SO AWESOME!— DearJayme (@DearJayme_23) June 19, 2015
The Curry family continued to rule serenely over all us mortals.
Hey, it’s RILEY! https://t.co/SQA5t2BQii— SB Nation NBA (@SBNationNBA) June 19, 2015
Once off the bus, the players were interviewed by the one and only Rosalyn Gold-Onwude.
The fun had just begun.
Draymond Green face pic.twitter.com/z23z9nnirA— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) June 19, 2015
Everyone assumed Draymond would own this moment. But, holy shit, did he own this moment.
I don't think Draymond is on the Harrison Barnes lifetime-of-abstention plan. https://t.co/oukUQEvRdR— Grant Brisbee (@mccoveychron) June 19, 2015
Draymond is on f'ing FIRE right now.— Bram Kincheloe (@BramKincheloe) June 19, 2015
I told y'all he was lit https://t.co/vAfRp7D3M9— Zeets! (@_Zeets) June 19, 2015
And then, the interview that everyone wanted, but no one expected.
Draymond Green's mom and Marshawn Lynch.
He cursed on live TV and literally no one cared.
HUGS AND STRAIGHT UP JUST LIKE THAT TRUTH!
Ladies and gentlemen, can we get these two a frickin reality televsiion show?? C'mon! Let's stop watching and celebrating the Bachelor or whatever other garbage is out there on the boob tube and let's watch these two just hang out all the time.
Marshawn giving mad props to @babers_mary.— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
@babers_mary love you!!— Zeets! (@_Zeets) June 19, 2015
Marshawn Lynch hugs Draymond Green's mom at the Warriors' parade...which also featured Hammer & Nancy Pelosi pic.twitter.com/Ow8HfXiuDR— J.A. Adande (@jadande) June 19, 2015
Marshawn Lynch cooking it up Lil B style https://t.co/OUcWSZZsdQ— AP (@Ananth_Pandian) June 19, 2015
Our very own Nate Parham was at the scene, wondering about a few things.
This...water cop?...trying to enforce...things?...from the water is cracking me up. pic.twitter.com/PlvbFy08uX— Nate P (@NateP_SBN) June 19, 2015
Shaun Livingston had the heart-string pulling, tear-jerking quote of the day.
"I'll see Steph, you know, twenty thirty years from now... And this bond is forever, you know?" - @ShaunLivingston— Bram Kincheloe (@BramKincheloe) June 19, 2015
What a journey he's had, huh?
Stephen Curry arrived, and they showed a long montage of his moments.
That shot of Steph embracing his wife and daughter after game six?? Man. #Emotions.— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
How can you ever hate on him?!
Festus Ezeli strolled up mid-interview and Steph started ragging on him and his "SwagZeli" nickname.
Festus: "Swagzili. Where did that nickname come from?" Steph: "I think you made it up for your own self. That's the definition of Swagzili."— Kyle McLorg (@Kyle_McLorgBASG) June 19, 2015
And then, it was on to the podium. The real show was about to start.
Bob Fitzgerald took the stage, in front of 1.1 million people, and somehow, even in this moment, found a way to throw shade at the refs, LeBron James, James Harden and politicians in general.
Bob Fitzgerald finding a way to complain about officiating at a championship parade make me tear up. This team won on ITS terms— Contrarian Barbarian (@basquiatball) June 19, 2015
Not even I can be cynical about Fitz here.— Zach Harper (@talkhoops) June 19, 2015
This is the moment Fitz was made for lol— Nate P (@NateP_SBN) June 19, 2015
Fitzgerald started announcing the players, bringing them up one at a time.
In related news, Ognjen Kuzmic now has more NBA championships than Charles Barkley.
The speeches rolled on. The mayor of Oakland gave a key to the city to Joe Lacob and Peter Guber (AWKWARD!!).
Guber talked for a while. He said something about a "desert of tears." What? I'm not sure now what he was even talking about.
Desert of tears?! Holy shit. Guber going IN.— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
Joe Lacob got up, immediately reminded Warriors fans that they had booed him in the not-so-distant past, and then yelled A LOT and raised his arm in a not-so-cool and way-too-reminiscent way.
Well that got pretty Triumph of the Will-y pretty fast https://t.co/ATiGYlH8UW— Seth Rosenthal (@seth_rosenthal) June 19, 2015
But hey, the guy's got a passion for this thing.
And obviously, he gets what he wants.
By this point, the players were bored out of their minds.
Ask not whether Klay is bored; ask only how bored Klay is— Nate P (@NateP_SBN) June 19, 2015
"When do I get to play with my dog?" pic.twitter.com/EUoeOXBm06— SB Nation NBA (@SBNationNBA) June 19, 2015
I was worried that all this sitting in the sun would ruin the glorious moment of which we'd all been dreaming.
Sitting in the sun is going to sober up Draymond before he can give his speech and that is no good. Hurry this shit up.— Bram Kincheloe (@BramKincheloe) June 19, 2015
@BramKincheloe Lol this is my same thought— Zeets! (@_Zeets) June 19, 2015
@_Zeets man, what are the chances he has been up for like 48 hours? I am going with 100%, right?— Bram Kincheloe (@BramKincheloe) June 19, 2015
Bob Myers used the moment to tell a touching story about the first game he ever attended, and how he still has his ticket stub in his wallet. He ended by saying, "If I wasn't up here, I'd be out there with all you guys!"
Also, he used the podium to assuage any fears we might have had that Draymond will leave.
GM Bob Myers uses speech as a chance to recruit Draymond Green. Tells #warriors fans, "We'll bring him back, don't worry. Don't worry."— Michael Lee (@MrMichaelLee) June 19, 2015
Next was Steve Kerr, who shucked and jived his way through everything, smirking and smiling.
God Bless you Mr. Kerr.
And then, finally, Jim Barnett took the stage and introduced the players who would be speaking.
Harrison Barnes went first and sounded much like a future senator.
Andrew Bogut was next, and joked that Harrison's speech had sounded like a "school report."
But, before Bogut took the stage, the cameras caught him uncorking a bottle of champagne.
Oh snap. Bogut is opening a bottle of champagne in the seats. Haha.— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
Saw Marshawn pass him the bottle https://t.co/UMPIhQARb5— Ethan Strauss (@SherwoodStrauss) June 19, 2015
@SherwoodStrauss perfect. Marshawn is there to just make sure shit stays weird.— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
Klay got up there, thanked everyone, and then took a selfie with the trophy.
Finally, the moment we were all waiting for: DRAYMOND.
Draymond coming up.— EvanZ (@thecity2) June 19, 2015
Drumroll for Draymond— Ethan Strauss (@SherwoodStrauss) June 19, 2015
He did not disappoint.
Draymond so turnt— Marcus Thompson (@ThompsonScribe) June 19, 2015
Vince McMahon is about to give Draymond a max contract too— sam esfandiari (@samesfandiari) June 19, 2015
He jumped up, grabbed a mic, and refused to speak from the podium. Instead, he sprayed champagne from the stage, and then strode to the front and proclaimed:
"It's going to get controversial. "— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
Draymond grabbing Kerr and hauling him around the stage.— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
Steve Kerr and Buzzed Uncle pic.twitter.com/LP86wlQWUo— SB Nation NBA (@SBNationNBA) June 19, 2015
an american hero RT @diamond83: Draymond Green proves that you can be drunk with your boss and get a raise.— Erik Malinowski (@erikmal) June 19, 2015
After some mumbled partying, he gave some more love to crowd and then bounced.
Draymond Green: "Y'ALL GOT ME ... I'M OUT!" /dances off stage— LOLKNBR (@LOLKNBR) June 19, 2015
Andre Iguodala got up and had the QUOTE OF THE CENTURY about Draymond.
Haha, @andre on Dray, "Y'all know when you go to the family BBQ, and you got that buzzed uncle that wants to tell all the stories?!"— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
And then, of course, at the end came Stephen Curry.
He may never let go of that trophy.
At one point, Draymond stumbled up towards him holding Riley Curry. Oh god!
Oh Jesus. Draymond just brought Riley to the podium. Hahaha— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
And now we have a drunk man carrying a toddler. This celebration has everything— Ethan Strauss (@SherwoodStrauss) June 19, 2015
She got stage fright, and of course it was the cutest thing ever.
Awwww Riley had stage fright https://t.co/jWy3GE02rg— SB Nation NBA (@SBNationNBA) June 19, 2015
Was she trying to do the "Waaaaaariors" chant?
Anyways, that's how it ended. Riley stole the show, again. Steph is a humble and amazing young man, and the team danced off stage to the pounding beat of a song about cocaine.
Now playing, a song about cocaine. Dubs dancing with the trophy. This parade had everything.— Golden State of Mind (@unstoppablebaby) June 19, 2015
Ethan Sherwood Strauss was right, this celebration really did have everything.
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Someday, someday soon, I'm coming home.
Dammit, this parade is getting me so fucking hyped to move home to the bay. Whew! #California. Someday...— Bram Kincheloe (@BramKincheloe) June 19, 2015
This is the Bay Area's team. We deserve these guys.
When I come home, I'm going straight to the redwoods of West Marin and kneeling down in the dirt and the dust and the sunlight and I'm going to thank the California gods for giving us this moment.