NBA Free Agent BONANZA: The Warriors re-sign Draymond Green

Holy lord, that first day was a whirlwind. Before I get into it, I just wanna sayDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

(breath)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

(breath)

MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Whew!

Okay.

Now that we got that out of the way, some further thoughts:

1.) What the hell shit fire is going on in Sacramento?

Seriously?

WHAT.

To summarize, they shipped Nik Stauskas (insert mandatory STAUSKAS/Vivek incompetence/dumpster fire that is the Sac Kings front office joke here), a protected future first round pick, and two future first round pick swaps to the Sixers in order to clear up cap space to chase... MONTA ELLIS (oh lord), WES MATTHEWS (coming off horrendous, potentially career altering achilles injury four months ago), and (Darth Vader music/breathing) RAJON RONDO!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

//laughingsohardmyeyesarewatering//

THATISHAHAHAHAHAWHAT

Jeeeezus.

Some reactions:

The Kings are reaching a point where someone needs to write a book about it

— Ethan Strauss (@SherwoodStrauss) July 2, 2015

I volunteer as tribute. RT @SherwoodStrauss: The Kings are reaching a point where someone needs to write a book about it

— Daniel Leroux (@DannyLeroux) July 2, 2015

My god. https://t.co/Fe6GfI1OqW

— Wesley Share (@wshareNBA) July 2, 2015

For full scorched-earth analysis, read Tom Ziller's piece.

2.) Not to be outdone, the Lakers seemingly scared LaMarcus Aldridge away because they brought Adam Levine to their meeting. In related news, he felt that they didn't talk about basketball enough and will not be playing there next year.

Kobe Bryant attended the meeting and by all accounts was offsetting and arrogant. Maybe stop bringing Kobe to meetings, right? In related news, here is A brief history of Kobe Bryant helping people decide they don't want to play for the Lakers.

3.) There was a whole bunch of other stuff that happened, but lastly, and most importantly, let me resume where I began.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

(breath)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

(breath)

MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

In a continuation of their dream season, and after promising not to fuck things up, the Warriors, well, did not fuck things up. They've now locked down their core for the next few seasons, and none of the players are on a TRUE max (tied to the cap). How brilliant/unlikely/beautiful/ThankYouBobMyers/genius is that?

For everything you need to know about the deal, look no further than this photo he posted on Instagram, celebrating with his mother via FaceTime.

Draymond, we f'ing love you.

#SQUAD