Summer time is upon us. People are going to the beach, drinking beer, getting excited about the start of NFL training camps, watching baseball (sometimes? Maybe? Maybe not?), hopefully playing some croquet (shout-out to croquet), and wishing that the NBA would hurry up and come back soon.
We are deep, deep in the only "off-season" the NBA has these days. Post Summer League, there's just really not that much basketball stuff going on.
So, how shall we pass the time? By writing some super-ridiculous-over-the-top Kevin Durant to the Warriors fan fiction, of course!
I mean, if people can get all crazy writing about Ron and Hermione and Harry Potter online, then so can we!
Just, not about Harry...
You know what I mean.
[[WARNING: This has no practical purpose at all. Read on at your own risk.]]
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The presidential race is heating up. Scorching, some might say. Donald Trump has died his hair piece the colors of the American flag (including little stars), though he long ago dropped out of the race itself. The Olympics are primed and ready to start in Rio De Janeiro. Scientists pray they've figured out how to remove all the human feces from the water where athletes have to compete. The remedy is a simple mixture of rum and peanut M&M's and it just might work. The only drawback is that the swimmers and the boaters are getting drunk. Those with peanut allergies have been forced to withdraw from competition.
Kevin Durant and Stephen Curry are in Las Vegas, training with the men's national team, preparing for Brazil. Although everyone expected Durant to drop out of the games to concentrate on his free agency, he decided to stick with the team and redeem himself after bowing out of the FIBA World Cup games two years earlier. ESPN leads every single Sports Center with a bit about Durant's plans. He has remained silent throughout the process, giving millions reason to believe that perhaps he could end up with their team. Oklahoma City, having just lost in the Western Conference Finals to the Warriors, are seen as favorites to retain Durant, but Washington is hot on his trail as well. Many believe he will follow in the steps of LeBron James and return to his hometown team.
Steph, fresh off another impressive playoff run, another MVP, and another NBA championship, saunters up to Kevin, who sits staring wistfully at the emptying basketball court in Vegas post-practice.
"Hey there big fella," says Steph.
"Oh, hey Steph," says Durant.
"Sorry about those playoffs. Someone's gotta win. And I guess it was us...Again."
Durant shakes his head and sighs.
"So, anyways," continues Curry, taking a seat next to Kevin, "what're you thinking about next year?"
"Man, you know...I'm torn."
"Yeah, I bet."
"I mean, I love OKC. They been through a lot with me. I've been with that organization my whole career."
"Yeah, but, dude..."
Durant is silent, knowing what Steph is about to say.
Kevin shakes his head and stares hard at his feet. "Yeah," he lets out a long sigh. "Yeah. Dang. There's no way past that. We coulda been you guys, you know? We coulda had what y'all have now. The fact that you were all allowed to stay together?! Dang. Russell and I talk about that all the time. What if?"
"You know, you can always join us."
"Join you guys?"
"Yeah, if you want to."
Kevin pulls out his phone and opens the calculator app. "But," he scrunches his eyes in concentration as he runs some quick figures," How? Y'all don't have the space to sign me."
"Didn't you read that Tim Kawakami article from a year ago?"
"Which one? I mean, I read all his stuff, legit, every day, but I must have missed that one."
"Sign and trade, man. Sign and trade."
"Who would have to go? I mean, listen, if Klay has to go I don't wanna do it."
"Nah, man. Nah. Harrison. The Senator."
"Yeah. You saw his numbers. You know he's getting the max."
"I mean," Kevin laughed, "I definitely wasn't expecting him to put up those kind of numbers. But I guess all that hard work with Jerry West really paid off."
"I know," said Steph. "Who could have foreseen him averaging 45 points, 13 rebounds and 12 assists per game with the league's highest PER?!"
"You're lucky you won the MVP and not him. You think OKC would trade me straight up for him?"
"Nah. I think we gotta send em someone else. Maybe Looney?"
"You know what, it just might work."
Steph smirks, knowing he has sealed the deal. "So," he says, "You ready to join the champs?"
"Yes," says Kevin. "Yes I am."
--- = ---
The Warriors have won seven straight titles, somehow fixed the drought in California, reversed the effects of global warming, and caused a tenuous peace in the Middle East.
The core four of the team have driven to the ocean to watch the sunrise. They've been up all night partying.
Steph, Durant, Draymond Green, and Klay Thompson stand on a great cliff, looking out to sea.
"Beautiful, aint it?" says Draymond, casually sipping from a fifty pound bottle of champagne.
"Who would have thought basketball could save the world?" says Durant. "I'm proud to have been a part of this."
"Hey man," says Steph, reaching for Draymond's bottle. "At least we didn't have to swim in shit back in Rio, huh? That would've sucked big time."
'You said it, man," says Durant. "You said it."
Kevin takes the bottle from Steph and draws a long, glorious pull. Rays of sun dance across the water. The four friends-for-life stand, arms interlocked, howling at the morning.
All is well.