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Warriors give America free tacos with Game 4 win in Cleveland; proceed with caution

We've seen that Taco Bell commercial ad nauseam during the Finals and the Warriors finally rang the bell. But before you make a run for the border, here are some options and precautions to consider.

The Dubs congratulate each other on earning tacos for all of America.
The Dubs congratulate each other on earning tacos for all of America.
Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports

The Warriors did America a favor last night in winning a game in Cleveland during the 2016 NBA Finals, putting an end (hopefully) to the overplayed Taco Bell commercial promoting the Doritos© Locos Taco. In the commercial, the company promised free tacos in the event that any team "stole" a game on the road during the series. As a result of Golden State's win last night, Taco Bell will offer free tacos on June 21 to customers in line between 2pm and 6pm.

For Cleveland fans, free tacos may provide some solace after a tough loss, particularly since Taco Bell is one of the higher end restaurants in all of Ohio. For the rest of us, we need to consider whether and how to best take up Taco Bell on this "gracious" offer. Politicians in Washington are too wrapped up in the election to do anything about the threat that this promotion poses to our nation's health. (Notice how Canada isn't included in the offer? It's because they would have interpreted it, correctly, an act of war.)

Here are some tips/public health warnings for those considering a run for the border.

  1. Make an appointment with your doctor before June 21 to get a professional opinion as to the damage that will be done to your body by consuming the taco. If you're over 30 years of age, you can skip this one; you shouldn't be eating at Taco Bell regardless of your health status.
  2. If you aren't able to schedule an appointment with a doctor that soon, read this article describing the ingredients of the tacos and, especially if you are tempted to order something in addition to the free taco, this article. Taco Bell explains here that someone named Missy is doing the best she can to infuse nutrition into the variety of substances they use to make their food.
  3. Before consuming the taco, take a selfie with it to tweet to our dear colleague @Ryan_Mourton with @FearTheSword. As the King of Salt, Ryan loves him some Taco Bell! See how creative you can be in sharing your moment with a free Doritos© Locos Taco with Ryan. I'm told that he has a prize for the most creative tweet. VERY IMPORTANT: it's worth ordering the free taco for the sole purpose of sending a selfie to Ryan even if you do not intend to actually eat said taco. This course of action is both fun and healthy!
  4. If you dare to eat the taco, or anything from Taco Bell, ensure that you will have immediate access to a bathroom for the following two hours. I cannot emphasize this enough. Whatever you do, don't plan to jump into Bay Area traffic immediately following that meal.

There you have it, some friendly advice on how to make the most of Taco Bell's promotion. Be sure to keep Golden State of Mind posted on your taco decisions on June 21. And be safe, Dub Nation! Tweet, don't eat...

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