Warriors temporarily rumored to sign Dunleavy: Internet loses its damn mind

Mike Dunleavy was recently traded by the Cleveland Cavaliers so that they could make room for incoming sharpshooter Kyle Korver. The deal was all but completed, but then Dunleavy up and decided he didn’t want to play for Atlanta.

As ESPN reported this morning, Dunleavy had failed to report to the Atlanta Hawks, and was looking to be bought out so that he could become a free agent. This temporarily complicated matters, because Kyle Korver could not practice or play with the Cavaliers until Dunleavy’s situation was resolved.

I’ll save you all a lot of heartache and misery by reporting that Dunleavy, in fact, will not be coming back to the Warriors after all. After an intense hour or so of hand-wringing, head-shaking, and soul-searching, Adrian Wojnarowski dropped a #WojBomb that Dunleavy had “made peace” and resigned himself to joining the Hawks. If you’re only in it for the news, I suppose you can stop reading right here.

[waiting]

But, if like me you enjoy watching the world burn, by all means keep scrolling to see how Warriors fans nearly had a damn heart attack when faced with the potential return of their least favorite son.

[[Note: I wrote the following — heart in my throat — when I still thought he was coming to the Dubs.]]

Assuming Dunleavy does eventually report and is immediately released, he would seek to join a playoff-bound team where he could ply his wiles. Where he could step in and provide veteran leadership, outside shooting, and, uh, “hustle.”

I wonder if there’s a team that’d be interested in taking him on? A team unconcerned that he has posted paltry averages of 4.6 points and 2.0 rebounds in 15.9 minutes per game while also owning a -.1 VORP (value over replacement player) through 23 games so far this season, per basketball-reference.com. A team that could weave him into a fabric tightened by shared experiences, a team where perhaps he had some history, a team where ...

Wait, you’re not actually suggesting that ... No, there’s no way that the Warriors would ever even .. GOOD GOD, IS THAT MIKE DUNLEAVY’S RETURN ENTRANCE MUSIC TO THE BAY?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Understandably, people immediately lost their damn minds, most notably my dude Killjoy.

Looooool, my dude. Things are gonna be alright. I mean, assuming the Warriors don’t actually, you know, sign Mike Dunleavy or something.

In other places on the web, our sworn enemies came out of hiding to chime in as well.

As for rational, functional, even-keeled takes, turns out there were a few of those as well.

But, really, we aren’t here for rationality. Anyone who frequents twitter will explain that it’s solely a place for tiny hands to type out potentially world ending, hateful nonsense tweets, and a place where egg avatars can interact with golden gods of entertainment.

That being said, this particular tweet left me cackling:

So, basically I guess my question is this: Would you welcome back the prodigal son with open arms? Or would you flee to a dark corner and weep?

Either way, never forget:

I mean, at least Dunleavy coming “home” wouldn’t be as bad as this:

Or this:

Right?

[crickets]

RIGHT?!

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UPDATE:

Oh man. Whew!!! Dodged a bullet there.

I haven’t been this relieved since, well, I can’t remember the last time I was this relieved.

Good work team. Can’t wait to see what we all get worked up about next.