It’s been a busy couple of weeks in Warriors-ville. Today news broke that some guy who used to run a super secret UFO thing or something with the government may or may not have actually seen an alien ship flying around in 2004 off the coast of California.
“How does this pertain to the Golden State Warriors?” you might be asking. Well, watch this and then we’ll continue.
Oh wait, shoot, that was the wrong link. Here, try this:
Sooooooooo, that’s a thing?
From an article published today, via the New York Times:
Hovering 50 feet above the churn was an aircraft of some kind — whitish — that was around 40 feet long and oval in shape. The craft was jumping around erratically, staying over the wave disturbance but not moving in any specific direction, Commander Fravor said. The disturbance looked like frothy waves and foam, as if the water were boiling.
Commander Fravor began a circular descent to get a closer look, but as he got nearer the object began ascending toward him. It was almost as if it were coming to meet him halfway, he said.
Commander Fravor abandoned his slow circular descent and headed straight for the object.
But then the object peeled away. “It accelerated like nothing I’ve ever seen,” he said in the interview. He was, he said, “pretty weirded out.”
I don’t know about you, but if the year of our Lord 2017 ends with aliens descending and telling us that this has all been some horrible, cruel joke, and they’ll be disengaging the simulation shortly, I’ll be actually relieved. There’s no other way this should be real life.
So, in other news, did you guys see the amazing ending to the Steelers vs. Patriots game? Ugh. Talk about a gut punch. The ending of that game definitely deserves its spot in the pantheon of horrible things that happened this year.
Man, imagine not being able to remember Ben Roethlisberger’s deviant history and actually feeling bad for him? That would hurt.
Speaking of bad histories, did you guys see the Lakers retire Kobe Bryant’s jersey(s) last night?
And then Durant hit a game winner to cap off the night? That was fun.
“Kevin Durant began the night shooting 5 of 23, hit 5 of his next 6 shots, scored 12 points in overtime, and hit a game-winning hesi pullup jimbo. If that isn't the most Kobe shit ever on Kobe's jersey retirement night idk what is.”
True that, my man. True that.
In other news, did you guys notice that Jimmy Garoppolo is v v handsome and might be destined to lead the Niners back to the promised land?
I for one have been hating on football for a couple years now, but I’m not gonna lie: I’m hooked on this Jimmy G thing. Damn, guys.
I know Nate is as excited as I am.
Some more gratuitous footage, because why not:
In other news, former astronaut and US senator John Glenn also thought there were UFOs out there.
“I had talked to John Glenn a number of years before,” Mr. [Harry] Reid said, referring to the astronaut and former senator from Ohio, who died in 2016. Mr. Glenn, Mr. Reid said, had told him he thought that the federal government should be looking seriously into U.F.O.s, and should be talking to military service members, particularly pilots, who had reported seeing aircraft they could not identify or explain.
So, in summation of today’s news, Jimmy G is legit, UFOs exist, and Stephen Curry might be part of the new Carolina Panthers’ ownership group with Diddy and Colin Kaepernick.
Dudes, if we aren’t living in some f’ed up simulation, and if aliens aren’t about to pull the plug, I don’t know what to tell you. 2017 is stupid.