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2017 NBA Playoffs Second Round: Warriors vs. Jazz is going to be lit

Hey, at least it’s not the Clippers.

NBA: Utah Jazz at Golden State Warriors Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

The Utah Jazz finished off the hated Clippers today, beating them 104-91 IN LA. It must really suck to lose a Game 7 at hoooooooooooh no, I see what I accidentally did there. Now, the Utah Jazz will face the Golden State Warriors in the second round of the 2017 NBA playoffs, with glory, bragging rights, and a trip to the Western Conference Finals on the line.

So, how did Vegas respond to the news?

Are you kidding me? That line is ridonculous. Yikes.

Meanwhile, the folks at SLC Dunk are having themselves a time, crowing about their chances at beating the Warriors.

Screw you and your anointed run to the NBA Finals. We couldn’t care less. We weren’t a sacrificial lamb to the Clippers and we won’t be your stepping stone. You live in the hub of Silicon Valley, we turned a salted over desert into civilization. We don’t give a **** about your tech. Your forefathers sailed around the Americas just so they could avoid the mountains that watch over our home. Our forefathers trekked those mountains and said, “This is the place.” Damn right this is the place.

This is the place.

Now is our time.

We are the ones.

Ummmmm, yeah. I have a thought: Maybe go look up “Mountain Meadow Massacre” on wikipedia and get back to me.

But, either way, it portends to be a much more interesting series than Clippers vs. Warriors would have been. The Clippers are done. They are old. They are tired. They should stop. They should cease to exist, in present form. Earlier today, I asked a simple question, and the results were remarkable.

Some of my favorites:

Oh, Oliver, DON’T DO EM LIKE THAT! Ouch, that hurt, and I’m a self-professed Clippers-hater.

But, forgetting the Clippers (hopefully for good, seriously just go away and never come back. No one likes you. Everyone despises you. You had your chance. The door is shut. A cold wind is blowing over the frozen, dead tundra of your championship window), let’s get back to the fact that folks in Utah actually think they can win.

Listen, we here in California are all for unbounded optimism. How else can you live life when the sun shines so brightly, the ocean smells so sweet, and we don’t have to live in Salt Lake City? Joe Ingles is pretty fun, sure, and Joe Johnson has been a great story in this postseason, but, yeah...

Utah is a fun place, if only because of my childhood friend Sketchy Andy—who singlehandedly has redefined the slacklining community—lives in Moab. But if you think you’re gonna bust up in here and break up the Warriors’ momentum, you’ve got another thing coming. And that other thing is a Kevin Durant soul-crushing hammer-drunk that will shatter your fragile sense of well being.

Seriously, Andy might be the best part about your state, and he’s usually 233 miles away from where your team plays.

I’m here for y’all trying to talk yourselves into the fact that you can compete in this series, and also, this sentence was fantastic:

But, BUT, come on now. I know Temecula is a bit out of the way, but if you wanna grab an ice pick and meet us there, we’ll bring the fire.

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