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Timberwolves sign Derrick Rose in head scratching move that infuriates their fanbase

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Rose has been an unmitigated disaster on (and off) the court. Can his former coach have any impact?

Chicago Bulls v Phoenix Suns Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Once upon a time, Derrick Rose was the youngest MVP in league history. Also once upon a time, his knees still worked and we hadn’t yet learned about his horrid, actually really darkly f’ed up off-court behavior. Since returning from injury (after injury after injury) he’s been bad. Like, really, really bad.

He “starred” on a dysfunctional-as-hell New York Knicks team last season, and then found himself on the Cavaliers this year where he quickly inspired awed reactions such as “what in TF is he doing on the court?” and “Oh my lord, what happened?” and “WAIT WHERE THE HELL DID DERRICK ROSE GO, IS HE QUITTING BASKETBALL?” This, all after the above-mentioned court case which he somehow, miraculously, won.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that today, March 8th, is International Women’s Day.

The tone deafness of announcing the signing today, of all days, is so damn loud that I think I’ve now gone deaf as well from the calamitous ringing of bells and whistles and other assorted warning sirens.

So, how are Wolves fans taking the news?

Listen David, can’t??” Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and where there’s a horrible-for-your-basketball-team and also horrible-in-terms-of-optics signing that drops like a bombshell on a Thursday morning, I believe you owe yourself a nice cold one, no matter what hour of the day.

Signing Derrick Rose in 2018 is like investing a million dollars in MySpace stock. Signing Derrick Rose in 2018 is like if I decided to give Charlie Sheen $40M to star in a leading role in some huge summer blockbuster that was slated to come out later this year.

Seriously, 2011 -- the year Rose won his MVP -- was a strange-as-hell time:

AHAHAHAHAHA. Oh man, is it a bad sign that I’m legit getting nostalgic for a time where Charlie Sheen’s batshit “WINNING” crap was the biggest story of the day, as opposed to headlines now that are basically, “Former Reality-TV star Turned President Paid Hush Money to Porn Star and Colluded with our Enemies while Taunting a Nuclear-armed Tiny Maniac; Also, Breaking News: Twitter is Bad”

But anyways, let me shut up and dribble.

Derrick Rose, for some reason, is still beloved by his former coach Tom Thibodeau. Will his presence hurt or help the young Timberwolves?

The Western Conference is crazy right now. Sure, the Timberwolves are currently in sixth place, but check this out, if you haven’t already.

Standings as of today, March 8th:

The Timberwolves, in sixth place, are only two games ahead of the tenth place Jazz in the loss column, with 16 games yet to play. That is dicey ground. As the wise and true Galadriel once said to a quivering Frodo, “The Quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little, and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains while the Company is true.”

Can you imagine how f’ing mad Timberwolves fans are gonna be when Derrick Rose is out there taking shots away from Karl-Anthony Towns, Andrew Wiggins, and Jimmy Butler (when he returns)? Did Thibs not watch the last, say, five years of Rose’s career? What are they thinking? And even beyond that, why announce the signing today??

Ugh, I have so many questions. What do you think? How does this impact the rest of the season? How does this impact the Western Conference playoff picture?