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Warriors get obliterated in season finale, lose to Jazz 119-79

Golden State played very, very, very poorly. Utah did not.

NBA: Golden State Warriors at Utah Jazz
Yeah, that’s about right.
Chris Nicoll-USA TODAY Sports

Before Tuesday night’s game, Nate posited that it might be a good thing if the Golden State Warriors were to lose to the Utah Jazz. What he failed to do is qualify how badly the team should lose.

Way to go, Nate. After I get back from the Emergency Room from self-inflicted gouging of my eyes after watching this monstrosity of a game, I think we should have a talk.

This game started poorly. It then proceeded into badness, before the transition into ugliness, which ultimately set up an atrocious ending.

You can give the Warriors one thing: in a roller-coaster of a season, the team was remarkably consistent tonight.

The game started out poorly, with Klay Thompson playing a game of missed shots bingo, Kevin Durant looking like the HGTV channel would be ten times more invigorating than the basketball game, and the team’s defense seemingly unaware that the Jazz are not the Showtime Lakers.

Here, let’s cue up the first quarter highlights:

Unknown Error: This file does not exist.

Huh, that’s weird. Here, how about some cats instead.

If the first quarter was a symphony of suck, the second quarter was one hell of an encore. After mustering just 16 points in the first quarter, the Dubs hit that glorious nos button from The Fast and the Furious and went positively berserk with a whole 17 points.

At the half, the Warriors had scored 33 points, and trailed by 29 points. I don’t have the stats in front of me, but those marks are probably below their season average. Don’t fact check me on that.

Still, the second quarter was not without highlights:

Unknown Error: This file does not exist.

Well I’ll be.

Here, how about some labradors being truly silly instead. Trust me, your eyes will like this a lot more.

At halftime we were all left to ponder the fate of the Warriors, and of our Tuesday night. Could this team come back? Would they be competitive? Why are we watching a bunch of grown men in shorts throw a ball around fecklessly when we could be doing literally anything else?

No, no, and, yeah . . . you don’t want to open that can of worms.

Still, give credit where credit is due: in the third quarter, the team managed to keep the deficit under 50 points. We’ll take our wins where we can get them.

Better yet, they key that deficit under 50 all through the fourth quarter, too! What impressive basketballing.

How did they do that, you might ask? Well let’s run the highlights once more:

Unknown Error: This file does not exist.

Huh. Well, in lieu of that, here’s a dog playing basketball.

Fun fact: Today, this dog had a higher plus/minus than any Warrior except Jordan Bell.*

*This is not a fun fact.

In conclusion, the Warriors lost 119-79, but at least they won’t have to play the Jazz in the first round.

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