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Andrew Bogut is here to save the Warriors from boring their fans to death

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The Warriors not going for 73 wins is boring their fans, and the fans in turn are not motivating the team. There’s only one character who can change it all around and save... March?

Golden State Warriors v Oklahoma City Thunder - Game Six Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

I’m a few too many championships into this dynastic run to start getting nervous in March, barring catastrophic injuries. It’s not like we’re about to join the March Madness tournament.

I understand that the Golden State Warriors are getting a little older, a little wiser, and have learned championships can’t be won during Lent. There will be games where they feel threatened and rip the heart out of a contender, like they’ve repeatedly done to #2 seeded Denver.

There will also be games that the Splash Bros will cough up a loss after repeatedly bricking 30-foot bombs and carelessly throwing away possessions searching for the big plays that turn them on, like in the loss to tanking Phoenix.

While I sense that in the big picture the grizzled champs are just tuning up for the only part of the season that gets their blood pumping, I also can sympathize with an entertainment-addicted Dub Nation. When you’re used to watching brilliant basketball on a nightly basis for a couple years straight, anything less is uncivilized.

Now for me personally, boring is certainly not being the top-seeded team in the West with three current All-Stars. I remember the dog days of praying Antawn Jamsion would carry us; I’m in paradise now.

But for others with finer tastes and higher regular season expectations, I get it. As long as we’re not equating how (relatively) boring the Warriors are now to their future playoff success, then really folks are just bored with the Warriors lackluster games and resentful of the inconsistent product on the floor. (And by inconsistent, I mean not 15 games ahead of Denver in the West.)

An entertaining solution

The entertainment business is fickle: ya gotta keep things new and fascinating. We know from film and television that one of the easiest ways to do this is by adding a new character. Why do you think 80% of all sports blog threads are related to rosterbation?

It’s like “Cheers” adding Frasier, “Fast and the Furious” adding the Rock, or the “Power Rangers” adding Tommy the Green Ranger.

There’s only one way for the Warriors to overcome the adversity in this latest sequel to their championship DVD’s: by bringing in a new character that can spice up this tried-and-true but not-very-captivating “flip the switch” shtick.

Remember the Mighty Ducks movies? Buncha kids come together in the ‘90s to learn about hockey, friendship, and Emilio Estevez’s perfect hair? Yeah that movie. In the sequel, they spiced things up by bringing in a baby-faced Kenan Thompson to the ensemble cast.

Kenan’s streetsmart character teaches the Ducks about creativity and staying loose. And probably how to rap? Look the details are fuzzy, rent the movie on Netflix and judge for yourself.

The important thing is that the Warriors are (re)introducing a tough character who isn’t afraid to break a few eggs to make an omellete, or throw a few illegal screens in order to get a shooter open.

ANDREW BOGUT IS COMING.

I have no idea how many minutes he’ll play, but I know that he will sacrifice his body to get a Splash Bro open. An open Splash Bro usually equals three points. Three-pointers make Oracle go into a frenzy and deflate the opponent. Joy gets weaponized, we all get our entertainment in, and the Warriors get another March victory.

That’s what y’all want, right? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!