You’re probably aware of the general issue going on with the Golden State Warriors right now. You know the issue I’m referring to. You know the exact one. It’s the issue of being not very good at basketball at the moment.
A Wednesday night loss to the Phoenix Suns put the Dubs at 0-8 on the road to start the year, which is their worst opening mark in my lifetime. That’s pretty remarkable when you consider how bad some of those teams in the 1990s and 2000s were. This team, with Steph Curry legitimately playing like the best player in the NBA, is setting acts of futility that are baffling even to Mike Dunleavy Jr. and Adonal Foyle.
And so I, as a person tasked with doing some Very Important Things, set about to figure out what, exactly, is going wrong with the team we love and adore so very much. The team that hoisted a trophy into the air five months ago. A team that very much intends to do that again in seven months.
More specifically, I set about to figure out how to fix the things that ail them. And so I did what any self-respecting millennial would do when facing a difficult task: I outsourced it to the internet.
Using an online gambit that’s well past its expiration date, I took to the Dub Nation dwellers of Al Gore’s internet and asked how to fix the Warriors ... with wrong answers only.
Here are the brilliant answers that were returned to me.
Invest in Twitter.— Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote Vote (@jalandy) November 18, 2022
Hire GM Lebron James pronto!— OaktownOriginal (@dawgee88) November 17, 2022
Put steph on the G League he'll drop 50 on them babies— Wj (@ughttorneyyy) November 17, 2022
Trade for Ben Simmons.— AKinSj70 (@AndrewK44952715) November 17, 2022
2nd timeline starts now. JP, Moody, Kuminga,Lamb,Wiseman starting 5— Jeff Foster (@grung0r) November 17, 2022
Ask Klay to take more contested 3s early in the shot clock— Coops (@GMCoops) November 17, 2022
get wannamaker, mulder, and oubre back on the team— jmo (@seabrightband) November 17, 2022
Bring back latrell sprewell— Tweet Bot 9000 (@the_U_is_silent) November 17, 2022
Trade Steph for Patrick Beverly.— Comics Lamar (@Comics_Lamar) November 17, 2022
trade for kent bazemore to get the bench energy up— Gio (@mrbarone2000) November 17, 2022
Bring back RunTMC— Derek Luangrath (@DLuangrath) November 18, 2022
Trade Wiggins and Kuminga for Dlo and bring back oubre— Trfolz (@ToddRFoley) November 17, 2022
Trade for CMC— Jeff (@thejeffgomez71) November 17, 2022
Steph curry. Trade him he’s washed— The Nahdi (@TheNahdi) November 17, 2022
Bring back Mark Jackson— Eric Neely (@ericneely) November 17, 2022
Let Poole punch Draymond.— mabecerraa (@mabecerraa) November 17, 2022
Don't do anything— NBA™ (@LaymanAnalyst) November 17, 2022