Kawhi’s old and new teams battle on ESPN

After the All-Star break, and with a highly volatile playoff picture, NBA games have become significantly more intense in March. It’s ramping up even more Wednesday night, when Luka Doncic and the Dallas Mavericks visit Brandon Ingram and the New Orleans Pelicans. They’re five spots apart in standings at 5th and 10th, but if the Pelicans win, they’ll move to 7th and 9th, just a game-and-a-half apart.

Then in the late game, it’s the Kawhi Leonard Bowl, when the Claw’s old team, the Toronto Raptors, visit his new team, the LA Clippers. Speaking of bowls, Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is very excited about the staggering number of toilets and urinals in the team’s future home, the Intuit Dome.

Being known for their toilets is appropriate, because historically, the Clippers have been pretty crappy. With Leonard, Paul George, and Russell Westbrook all in attendance wearing hard hats and safety goggles, you know they’ll be fired up to face the Raptors, whose mysterious flush toilets measure their flush capacity in “litres.” Plus it’s a chance for Leonard to take revenge on the team that wouldn’t trade a measly five first-round picks and a future All-Star point guard to bring George to Canada, the cheapskates.

It’s Luke versus Ingram! C.J. vs. Uncle Drew! Zion Williamson vs. his own hamstring! Pascal Siakam vs. PG-13! And Kawhi against the entire nation of Canada! You know we’ve got parlays.

DraftKings Odds

Dallas Mavericks at New Orleans Pelicans

Dallas is a 2.5-point road favorite over New Orleans, and the over-under is 234.5.

The Pelicans won’t have Zion Williamson, nor backups Jose “Grand Theft” Alvarado and Larry Nance Jr., whose sprained ankle Joe Lacob probably blames on Portland’s medical staff. The Mavericks won’t have backup big man Maxi Kleber, and starting forward Reggie Bullock is doubtful.

Adding Kyrie Irving hasn’t put a dent in Luka Doncic’s prolific scoring, where he slightly trails Joel Embiid with identical 33.3 point averages. Since Irving arrived, Doncic is averaging just under 33 points per game, still taking 20+ shots per game. That’s why we like any parlay with Doncic scoring 30+ points in this one - except ones that demand high assist totals, the Doncic stat that has dropped post-Kyrie.

There’s a conservative parlay with Dallas -2.5 points, and Doncic scoring 30+ points, plus getting 5+ rebounds and 5+ assists. It pays out at +195. We also don’t believe in the Mavericks’ defense at all, especially without Kleber and Bullock, so we like taking the Mavs +2.5, Luka getting 30+ points, and the game going over 234.5 points. That’s +320. In the same vein, we’ll take Doncic and Ingram both getting 30+ points, with Dallas on the moneyline, for +600.

We also like a few longshots. Dallas is a threat to score 130 or give up 130 on any given night. And the Pelicans are likely to push the pace on Dallas, particularly a shorthanded Mavericks team. So we like betting on boards: Donic and Jonas Valanciunas to grab 12+ rebounds, parlayed with Dallas on the moneyline for +1300.

Ingram and McCollum both showed out last Wednesday on national TV, so we also like a real longshot: Doncic and Ingram getting 40+ points + assists, with Irving and McCollum each getting 30+ points + assists. It pays off at +3000. Hey, these teams have combined to play 13 overtime games, and an extra period might really clinch this parlay.

Toronto Raptors at Los Angeles Clippers

The Clippers are favored by just 2.5 points at home against the surging Raptors, who have won nine of their last 13 games. Meanwhile, the Clippers broke a four-game losing streak, coincidentally beginning when Russell Westbrook joined the starting lineup, with a win over Memphis on Sunday. LA gave up a 51-point quarter and still won, a week after their team plane was struck by lightning. No word on how many toilets that plane has.

Toronto is coming off a tough loss in Denver against the Nuggets and referee Scott Foster, who gave Scottie Barnes a baffling one-technical ejection late in the game.

Foster won’t be betting on working the game Wednesday night, so we can rely on the integrity of the 229.5 over-under total. The Clippers will be without former Raptors legend Norman Powell for this one, while Toronto’s Dalano Banton is a game-time decision.

We think Kawhi is going to score in this one. Honestly, everyone is going to score in this one, considering the teams’ mediocre defenses and Leonard and George finding their shooting strokes - they combined for 76 points against Memphis. Give us the Clips on the moneyline, plus Kawhi scoring 30+ and George getting 20+, for +500. We don’t believe in Westbrook enough to endorse the more lucrative parlay, substituting Westbrook logging 10+ assists for George’s scoring.

If you believe in the Raptors, you might consider taking Toronto on the moneyline and Fred VanVleet racking up 10+ assists, and Jakob Poeltl getting 11+ rebounds, for a +950 return. We cannot in good conscience recommend any parlays that require the slumping Pascal Siakam to break out against George and Leonard, no matter how disinterested their defense has been recently.

We like a rebounding special longhsot parlay. Clippers on the moneyline, Poeltl and Ivica Zubac each pulling down 12+ rebounds. That’s +2800, which seems like a good return for something that’s not horrible unlikely in a game where both Westbrook and Siakam will be shooting the ball.

We apologize, but even at a Clippers home game, there’s not a single parlay available involving total urinals or time spent in restroom lines. Maybe we’ll have to wait for the Intuit Dome before that happens.

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