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How the Warriors can slow down LeBron without Wiggins

Andrew Wiggins has fractured ribs and might not be able to be the LeBron stopper. We have some ideas

Los Angeles Lakers v Golden State Warriors - Game Five
LeBron James nearly fractures the rim after Andrew Wiggins’ defensive pressure.
Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Andrew Wiggins has fractured ribs. Even if he plays through the pain in Game 6, it’s going to be hard for him to continue to effectively guard LeBron James. Luckily, we have some suggestions how the Golden State Warriors can slow down the Lakers superstar even without Maple Jordan, and force a Game 7 back in San Francisco.

Let “Fake Klay” warm up with the team

Some observers think that Klay Thompson has lost a step. But this is a Game 6, when Klay reaches a zone of concentration and performance he normally only achieves while sailing through San Francisco Bay or playing Rock Band. LeBron will be keying on Klay - until he sees how bad “Klay” looks in warmups.

When the Warriors reverse Fake Klay’s arena ban and send him out to brick jumpers, the Lakers will relax, thinking that Klay Thompson has gained 40 pounds and lost five inches of height since Wednesday night. LeBron will sag off Real Klay and he’ll make ten or eleven three-pointers.

Make Donte DiVincenzo explain the legal history of “Taco Tuesday” every time he guards LeBron

It’s hard to rattle LeBron James with trash talk. Kobe Bryant said that when he talked smack to James, “He says nothing back. He just laughs.” But what if the opponent isn’t talking trash to James, but instead pointing out the absurdity of the King’s attempt to trademark the term “Taco Tuesday.”

As James tries to back down DiVincenzo, he should whisper in James’ ear that Taco John’s has had a patent on the term “Taco Tuesday” since 1989. When Donte chases James around a screen, he should yell, “Gregory’s Restaurant and Bar got a trademark on Taco Tuesday back in 1979,” though he might have to explain at a stoppage of play that legally, that only applies in New Jersey. And if DiVincenzo manages to block James’ shot, that’s when it’s time to yell, “‘Taco Tuesday’ is a commonplace term, message, or expression widely used by a variety of sources that merely conveys an ordinary, familiar, well-recognized concept or sentiment message.”

James will be so shaken by the reminder of his misguided legal gambit that he’ll forget to guard Anthony Lamb, who Steve Kerr is playing over Jonathan Kuminga for some reason.

Place a single pea beneath the hundreds of layers of padding on Anthony Davis’ chair

It is said that Anthony Davis has such heightened sensitivity and such a low threshold for pain that he could feel a tiny pea underneath his seat. Not only will David feel it, he’ll likely fall down, writhe on the ground and hobble to the locker room. Sure, he’ll be right back on the court a few seconds later, but the commotion should throw James off his game as he worries that The Brow has shattered his tailbone or perhaps developed rickets.

Dress Ty Jerome up like a beautiful lady

As a two-way player, Ty Jerome is ineligible to take the court in the postseason. But there’s no rule that says Jerome can’t don a long blonde wig, a gorgeous evening dress, and some subtle-yet-glamorous makeup to transform himself into a heartthrob. Look, James made a movie with Bugs Bunny, so he might be vulnerable to this cartoon-style trickery. At the very least, Jerome can distract famous ladies man and Lakers superfan Jack Nicholson with his seductive, eye-batting behavior.

Have Jordan Poole announce he’s changing his name to J.J. Poolrea

Putting a diminutive shooting guard not known for his defense on LeBron James worked for the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 Finals. Plus, J.J. Barea has fathered children with two different Miss Universes, so you know he also loves the baddies.

Put super glue in LeBron’s Rogaine bottle

This is just a solid prank.

Actually make wide-open threes

I’m sorry, this suggestion might be too unbelievable.

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